


the world is cold and life's not fair

by sxftmelody



Category: Power Rangers (2017)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-20
Updated: 2017-06-20
Packaged: 2018-11-16 16:12:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,608
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11256459
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sxftmelody/pseuds/sxftmelody
Summary: If I could I would feel nothing; that’s the truth and I don’t care, baby.





	the world is cold and life's not fair

**Author's Note:**

> this was originally a story i wrote for a kpop fandom but it didn’t get as much feedback as i had liked and i really am proud of this story, so why not switch it to one of my newer otps! because it is from a different fandom, please excuse any mistakes! also instead of four diff chapters i put everything as a long oneshot LOL
> 
> old an: i never expected for me to actually finish this fic, especially not after hitting such a bad writer’s block due to school zapping all the creativity out of me. anyway, i’m quite proud of this fic! it holds a special place in my heart considering i actually enjoyed writing it and really took my time with it. 
> 
> this one’s for the napink squad (including hongmin and her love for nayoung’s hands/fingers), izzy, charlie, romy and saad. ♡

 

**part one.**

**x**

 

It’s chilly outside—it  _ is  _ the middle of Autumn—but Trini Kwan doesn’t mind. She pulls her jacket tighter around her petite body and curls her fingers around the spine of her worn-down black leather journal, her other hand grasping a black pen. She looks around the empty park, noticing how the wind picks up and rustles a few leafs in front of her, swirling them around in what Trini used to call a ‘mini-tornado’ when she was little. And, when she got older, told her little brothers that, too. Her lips quirk up at the memory, a bitter-sweet feeling filling her chest as she remembers the innocent, easier days. She looks down at her lap and begins to jot down her thoughts, drawing leaves next to her cursive writing when her own thoughts are too much and she needs to take a break to recollect them. 

 

Trini hears a  _ click _ to her left—sees a flash, too—and looks up. She spots a girl with short, dark brown hair pulling a black polaroid camera away from her face with a sheepish grin. She’s already walking towards Trini as she takes hold of the small picture that had come out of the device from the front, thumb and forefinger holding onto the polaroid’s corner. 

 

“You looked pretty whilst writing.” the stranger says, voice a bit embarrassed but steady nonetheless. Trini immediately takes note of her attractiveness and feels her heart skip and neck warm up at the compliment. As an excuse to avoid eye contact, Trini’s eyes flicker to the polaroid picture in the stranger’s hand. It has yet to show any sort of picture, the inner frame where the picture should be is still all black. Trini watches as the stranger carefully slips it into her jacket’s breast pocket. “I’ll give you the picture once it’s all good and developed—I promise.”

 

The pretty stranger shuffles around with her camera and Trini tries to return to writing. Eventually, Trini places her journal flat onto her lap, unable to formulate coherent thoughts/sentences with the stranger nearby. She ends up watching the stranger who’s wandering around the park with her camera in her hand. The girl’s black beanie looks like it’s about to fall off of her head and her backpack is so low it bumps against her butt with each step she takes. Trini finds her almost childlike style endearing because she can see the passion and determination in the girl even from far away—nothing like her physical demeanor. The girl stares for a long time at one thing, probably deciding whether it’s worth taking a picture of or not, before she either walks off or snaps a picture. Rinse and repeat.

 

Trini flips to a new page in her journal. She sketches the girl’s beanie, doodles the girl’s camera, and describes her first impression of her with her penmanship that’s scratchy and thin. When the stranger comes up to her about fifteen minutes later, Trini quickly turns the page to avoid seeming like a creep. 

 

(Though, she wasn’t the one who took a picture of the girl without her permission, so they’re  _ both  _ kind of creepy.)

 

“It came out nicely.” she comments with a small smile, holding the picture she had taken earlier in her hand. She pulls a pen from her pocket and flips the polaroid to the back. “What’s your name?” 

 

“Trini Kwan.”

 

The girl scribbles down something on the back of the photo before handing it to Trini.

 

Trini takes it from her and scans her eyes over what the girl had wrote—in very bubbly handwriting, might she add.

 

**Trini Kwan — 10.21.16**

 

Trini turns the photo over to actually look at it. She tilts her head as she examines the photo, eyes scanning the large area captured in the small frame. The photo isn’t focused on Trini but it’s the only thing her eyes focus on—not the swirling leaves on the left side or the massive tree in the background—just…  _ her _ . The picture captured the exact moment of her exhale, a transparent white cloud of perspiration exiting her lips whilst her eyes were focused on her lap.

 

“What is it?” the stranger asks hesitantly, almost self-consciously. She takes a seat besides Trini, both hands holding onto her camera. “The leaves in the corner might be a bit distracting, with it moving and looking blurry and all… but I think it adds feel to the whole picture.”

 

“No.” Trini shakes her head. She notices the stranger wince from the corner of her eyes, and she looks up to fix the misinterpretation of her response. “It’s— it’s pretty.”

 

“You think so?” the girl questions, eyes still wide with skepticism. “I mean… it’s just—I just like relaxing and taking pictures for my own sake instead of for work—but that doesn’t mean I like taking  _ crappy  _ photos.”

 

Trini can’t help the curl of her lips at the girl’s way of speaking; hurriedly and in a rush like she’s in some sort of race with her own thoughts. Trini can relate (with writing, not talking—she’s not much of a talker, and when she is, she’s usually dry and sarcastic).

 

When the girl notices Trini’s smile, she gives her own smile and chuckles embarrassedly down at her lap, the wind rustling a few leafs off to the side.

 

“You said I can keep it?” Trini asks after a small silence.

 

“Yeah, totally.” the girl nods animatedly, pressing her lips together and knitting her eyebrows together into a look of certainty. Trini almost laughs because of how cute the girl is,  _ almost _ . 

 

She tucks the photo into her journal just as her phone rings. The stranger fiddles with her camera, putting in and taking out the film multiple times just for something to do with her hands. The familiar ringtone makes Trini’s heart stop because it’s Jasmine—probably calling and wondering why she isn’t home—but Trini remembers how she had wondered about a lot of things and how Jasmine had never answered her phone.

 

Trini silences the ringer after Jasmine calls two more times. 

 

She sighs and picks up the photo by its corner, thumb and forefinger pressed against it. The stranger, noticing Trini’s low mood, pulls something out of her backpack. It’s a journal like Trini’s, but also nothing like Trini’s. Whilst Trini’s is a plain black journal, the stranger’s is a white one with cute little dinosaurs decorating the front cover. It’s enough to get an amused smile out of Trini, though it looks more like a smirk. 

 

The girl giggles at Trini’s reaction.

 

“Cute, right?” she asks cheekily. “I bought it specifically for the dinosaurs—but it’s a pretty neat place for me to put all my little photos in.”

 

She opens the journal and in the center of the inner cover is, what Trini assumes, her name.

 

Kimberly Hart.

 

“These are where I keep all the  _ personal _ , personal photos.” she says, flipping through the pages. “All the photos I take are personal, of course, but these…” she trails off, stopping at one page with several pictures of the ocean taped to it. She runs her thumb over the photos and hums contently. “These are just special to me.” 

 

“Do you like the ocean?” Trini asks quietly as she looks at all the pictures. They would all look identical to one another had someone not pay attention to detail. The amount of foam in the waves of some pictures are different than others, there’s a hint of a footprint in some of them, a big toe peeking out of the top left corner in another one. 

 

“No.” Kimberly answers with a little laugh, turning to the next page as she shakes her head. This one is filled with pictures of a city at night; billboards, food stands, streetlights. “I went there with someone who loves the ocean. I personally do  _ not _ . It’s too scary.”

 

“Scary?” Trini repeats curiously. She lifts her gaze from the book to the girl’s face. Admittedly, Trini is more curious about the person Kimberly had gone with to the ocean, but doesn’t want to seem too intruding considering they had literally just met. There’s just something intriguing about this girl, something that pulls Trini in, making her want to know more about this pretty stranger.

 

“I love swimming, but yeah, the ocean’s scary.” she hums, still turning through her journal. “It’s a whole ‘nother world down there. There are creatures we’ve never seen, creatures we don’t believe exist, creatures we don’t know exist. It’s pretty scary, is it not?”

 

She looks up when she asks this question, connecting eyes with Trini. 

 

“I guess.” Trini replies quietly in agreement, taken aback at the sudden eye contact. “I guess it is pretty scary.”

 

Kimberly smiles, and Trini thinks that the Autumn winds don’t really feel all that chilly anymore.

 

 

 

 

 

Kimberly writes her number in Trini’s journal, on the same page filled with Trini’s doodles of Kimberly’s outfit.

 

 

 

 

 

Jasmine is asleep when Trini enters their apartment. She had fallen asleep on the couch, the couch that is in the direct view of the entrance. Trini feels her heart clench as she kneels down in front of her girlfriend.

 

She gently shakes Jasmine awake.

 

“Hey.” she whispers when Jasmine jolts up. 

 

“You’re back.” Jasmine says, rubbing at her eyes with two fists. Trini’s lips curve upwards the slightest bit—a full smile hindered by the atmosphere riddled with tension between the two of them.

 

“Yeah.” she nods. “I’m sorry. I had my phone on silent.” 

 

She thinks fleetingly that it shouldn’t be so easy to lie to her partner like this, but the thought scurries away before she can settle on it for too long.

 

“No, it’s fine.” Jasmine shakes her head. “What time is it?”

 

“It’s just a little before seven.” Trini answers. “Did you have a long day?”

 

“Yeah.” Jasmine laughs humorlessly. “A  _ really  _ long one.”

 

Trini wants to ask if Jasmine wants to talk about it but she refrains from doing so. She has a gut feeling that Jasmine wouldn’t want to confide in her. She knows she isn’t supposed to feel like this, especially not when it’s her significant other, but things just aren’t what they used to be. 

 

She hesitantly pats Jasmine’s knee, as if she’s a stranger to the girl and not her girlfriend. 

 

“Let’s get you to bed.”

 

**x**

 

Trini meets with Kimberly at least once a week, always somewhere in public; somewhere where Trini can sit and write and Kimberly can wander and take photos. They don’t talk much about their personal lives but it’s clear that they both have a lot on their minds; with the way Kimberly rarely talks about anything other than her photos and the way Trini doesn’t receive any more phone calls from the same ringtone Kimberly had heard the first day they met, they’re in a silent pact not to delve too deep into each other’s lives. Their problems may differ, but they do have one thing in common.

 

It’s clear that they both don’t want to be alone.

 

 

 

 

“Here.” Kimberly comes back to their table at the mall’s food court with Trini’s ham and cheese sub along with her own order of cheese fries. Trini is still focused on her writing, eager to get  _ all _ her thoughts down before she forgets them. Kimberly sits across from Trini and slides the sub over to her, bumping the girl’s journal with it in order to gain her attention. “ _ You’re welcome. _ ” she says, emphasizing her words.

 

Trini pauses her writing and looks up from her journal with a smile, something that comes easily when she’s around Kimberly (which is weird because Trini is usually all ‘walls-up’ when it comes to showing emotion). “Thank you.” 

 

Kimberly uses her fork to insert a couple of fries into her mouth as she hums. Trini goes back to writing, taking bites of her sandwich here and there. Kimberly glances around the crowded food court and itches to take a picture of the scene. She reaches down into her bag and pulls out her polaroid camera.

 

Trini glances up, notices the camera, and sets her pen down.

 

“Can I try?”

 

“What?” Kimberly responds.

 

“Can I try to take a picture?” Trini repeats, pointing to the camera Kimberly has in her hands. She reaches over and takes it from Kimberly, who doesn’t bother resisting. “Just once.”

 

“Okay…” Kimberly says. “Let’s see…”

 

She looks around to find something that Trini can take a picture of, something simple and easy to capture, something aesthetically pleasing, something that can—

 

_ Click! _

 

“I think I did it.” Trini mumbles, looking down at the contraption in her hands. Kimberly’s eyes are wide as the polaroid slides out of the camera with a hum and Trini takes it. She holds the camera back out to Kimberly, who’s still in a state of surprise.

 

“What did you take a picture of?” she asks despite already knowing the answer.

 

“You.” Trini replies easily. 

 

“But—but that was a waste of film!” Kimberly exclaims, cheeks burning up. 

 

“No it wasn’t.” Trini counters. “You were focused and you looked pretty.”

 

Upon seeing Kimberly’s slacked jaw and open mouth, Trini giggles quietly—genuinely  _ giggles _ . She catches herself, feels her neck warming up, and clears her throat. “Think of this as revenge for taking a picture of me without my permission when we first met.”

 

“But I gave you that picture.” Kimberly says, stammering. “It wasn’t like I took a picture of you and—and  _ kept  _ it.”

 

“And  _ you  _ can keep  _ this  _ picture.” Trini holds up the currently-developing polaroid. “I think you’re going to have the same reaction I had to the one you took of me. You took a picture of me totally in my element—” she then points to the photo. “—and now I took a picture of  _ you _ totally in  _ your _ element.” 

 

Kimberly forms a scowl with her face and jabs her cheesy fries with her fork, stuffing some more into her mouth. Trini smiles at her, a smile that exposes her teeth  _ and  _ gums, and Kimberly really can’t hold back her own smile because Trini’s just too cute (and she doesn’t usually smile this brightly).

 

 

 

 

 

Jasmine starts staying overnight at her cousin’s house more often and Trini’s usually all alone at the apartment. She can’t get mad at Jasmine because it  _ is _ true that her cousin’s house is closer to her university, but she’s lonely. She doesn’t have many friends and the friends that she does have are either travelling the world, are halfway across the world, or are in totally different worlds.

 

Trini thinks of Kimberly and wonders which of the three she fits in.

 

(Truthfully, Trini feels like it’s a mix of all three.)

 

**x**

 

“Long time no see.” Trini hears a voice call out from a distance. She moves her gaze from the journal in her lap and sees Kimberly walking towards her with a grin. The girl joins her on the bench, sliding next to her. “Didn’t expect to see you here.” 

 

(It’s only been a day since she’s last seen the other girl.)

 

Trini hums, noting that Kimberly doesn’t have her camera with her; she’s walking empty-handed for the first time that they’ve been around each other. She closes her journal, lightly presses it against her thighs. “What are you doing here?”

 

Kimberly shrugs and kicks her legs back and forth, looking around the empty park. “I wanted some fresh air. I’ve been in my darkroom for so long I feel like a vampire whenever I exit it.” she laughs when she says this and Trini smiles. When her laughs trail off, she tilts her head upwards, staring at the cloud-covered sky with her lower lip jutting out. “It’s probably going to rain soon.”

 

“You don’t have an umbrella.” Trini states.

 

Kimberly laughs. “Neither do you.”

 

Trini wonders if she can make it back to the apartments before the rain starts but the answer is immediately given as the first raindrops begin to fall. She places her journal into her bag and zips it up, not wanting the water to mess up her written words. Kimberly stands from the bench and waits for Trini to stand with her. The rain gets harder with each passing second and Kimberly squeals, taking hold of Trini’s hand and rushing them down the park’s path.

 

They’re both drenched and out of breath by the time they reach a phone booth. Kimberly closes the booth door once they’re both inside and lets out a big breath.

 

“That come out of nowhere.” she says with a laugh, the rain pounding on the top of the phone booth. She shakes her head to get rid of excess water, much like a puppy would do. Trini stands in front of Kimberly, the booth not allowing much room for the either of them to stand, obviously only meant for one person to fit in. She can feel the heat radiating off of Kimberly’s body and feels the girl’s fingers brush against her own.

 

“Did you walk here?” Trini asks.

 

“Yep.” Kimberly replies, looking up at her with a raindrop dangling on her nose.  “I took the bus.”

 

“Jeez.” Trini frowns. “Where do you even live?”

 

“The next town over.” Kimberly answers with a grin. “But I grew up here, so…” she shrugs as she trails off. She then giggles and reaches up, fixing Trini’s messy strands of hair that are stuck to her forehead and cheeks. “What about you? Did you walk?”

 

“Yes.” she says, allowing Kimberly to fix her hair for her with the tips of her ears turning pink. “I don’t live very far.”

 

Kimberly looks around. “The rain might let up soon. You might be able to get home before it really gets bad if you run.”

 

“What about you?” Trini questions. Kimberly looks back at her, her lips curved upwards.

 

“This phone booth is gonna be my new home for the next half hour until the next bus comes.”

 

 

 

 

The rain reduces to a drizzle a few minutes later.

 

“Nows your chance.” Kimberly sing-songs, opening the booth door and peeking her head out. 

 

Trini starts walking out and takes hold of the hand Kimberly’s using to hold open the door as she passes, pulling the girl out with her. 

 

The drizzle doesn’t last long and they end up running to Trini’s apartment hand-in-hand as the pelting downpour drowns out their laughter.

 

 

 

 

 

“I’m creating puddles everywhere I step, Trini.” Kimberly’s laugh comes out as a snort because they’re both completely soaked from head to toe and every step they take causes a  _ squish _ sound caused by their wet shoes. Trini leads Kimberly to the bedroom and pauses at the doorway when she spots Jasmine.

 

“Oh, Jasmine.” she says, keeping a steady voice. “You’re home.”

 

Jasmine gasps and turns from her spot in front of the closet, clothes in her arms. “Trini, I was wondering where you were— _ oh _ , hi.” she stops mid sentence when she spots Kimberly behind Trini.

 

“This is my friend Kimberly. Kimberly, this is my girlfriend Jasmine.” she introduces the two of them to each other, the word ‘girlfriend’ feeling foreign in her mouth. Kimberly waves meekly and Jasmine gives a friendly smile to her.

 

Kimberly hadn’t even known that Trini had a girlfriend. They never really talked about their personal lives when they were together; all they ever really did was enjoy each other’s company whilst they did their own things—it was sort of an unsaid rule between them  _ not _ to ask about family or significant others. Sometimes Kimberly would tell a story here and there about her little sister or her parents but nothing much else. So, to say the least, Kimberly is a little surprised at the revelation of Trini’s (very pretty) girlfriend.

 

“Were you two stuck out in the rain? You should’ve called me. I could’ve gone to pick you up.”

 

Trini walks towards the closet to pull out some dry clothes for both her and Kimberly. “I thought you were at university; didn’t want to bother you.” 

 

Kimberly stands awkwardly by the doorway, feeling like she’s intruding.

 

“I just came to get some more clothes.” Jasmine hums, going to the duffel bag set on the bed and folding the clothes in her arms into it. She zips the bag closed and picks it up. “I’m gonna get going before it gets too dark.”

 

“Okay.” Trini nods. “Drive safe.” 

 

“I will.” Jasmine replies, heading towards the door. Kimberly tilts her body to the side so the girl can pass by. Jasmine flashes her a smile before leaving and Kimberly releases the breath she hadn’t known she’d been holding. She has half the nerve to comment on the tension between the couple but thinks it’s not her place to do so. So, instead, she says:

 

“Do you smell like wet dog, too?”

 

**x**

 

Trini knew it was going to happen—the breakup between her and Jasmine—it was inevitable, really, but that doesn’t mean that it hurts any less. The type of pain Trini is dealing with isn’t the type of pain you see described in movies—not at all. It hurts, but it doesn’t feel like her heart is being ripped out. Instead, it’s more of a numb feeling—the way you feel in a dream that feels all too real. Trini doesn’t beg for Jasmine to stay with her and Jasmine doesn’t do that to her, either. They stare at each other through their tears because they know that there aren’t many options left for them. 

 

Jasmine packs her things that evening and leaves that night.

 

**x**

 

**[Trini] (9:47 PM):** hey. are you free?

**[Kimberly] (9:48 PM):** are u?

**[Trini] (9:48 PM):** yea

**[Kimberly] (9:48 PM):** then, yes, i am free

**[Trini] (9:49 PM):** bring food to my place?

**[Kimberly] (9:49 PM):** kk. chinese or pizza?

**[Trini] (10:00 PM):** neither. i want a sub.

**[Kimberly] (10:01 PM):** yes, ma’am. i’ll be over in a bit!

 

 

 

 

As soon as Trini opens the door, Kimberly walks in with words already coming out of her mouth.

 

“You’re lucky the place you like your subs from is open until ten-thirty. I swear, all of them hated me for going in and ordering five minutes before their closing time.” she places the food on the kitchen counter and is still talking when she turns around. “They were all looking at me like— _ woah _ , what’s wrong?” 

 

Trini, who shakily settles herself on one of the stools, lets out a shuddery breath. 

 

“I broke up with Jasmine.”

 

There’s a few seconds of silence with Trini’s last sentence hanging in the air. 

 

“I’m sorry.” Kimberly’s voice is quieter now, softer compared to earlier—and Trini hates it. She doesn’t like that she has the ability to change the usually excited and happy girl into someone who’s cautious and quiet. (It reminds her all too much of Jasmine.) She gulps down the lump in her throat.

 

“I saw it coming.” Trini shrugs, trying to act nonchalant. Kimberly brings the bag of food over to Trini as she sits next to the girl. She pulls out the subs from the bag and unwraps them for Trini and her. “She left a little before I texted you.”

 

Kimberly studies her carefully with sad eyes.

 

“I just don’t want to be alone right now.”

 

“You won’t be.” Kimberly places a hand on Trini’s knee comfortingly. “Do you want me to stay over?”

 

“She might come back in the morning to get the rest of her stuff…” Trini trails off, voice barely above a whisper.

 

Kimberly gives a small smile. “I’ll leave before she comes. You don’t want to be alone right now and, truthfully, I don’t want to leave you alone right now.”

 

“Thank you.” Trini whispers. 

 

“Don’t thank me. I’m sure you’d do the same for me.” Kimberly pats her knee. “Let’s just eat, yeah?”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

That night, the two of them sit next to each other on the couch until the early morning as Trini writes her heart out and Kimberly uses Trini’s laptop to drowsily watch animal documentaries.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The front door opening is what wakes Trini (who wasn’t even  _ really _ sleeping) up that evening. Jasmine enters silently and Trini watches as she stares at Kimberly who’s on the couch next to her before looking at Trini. Her eyes switch over to the leftover sub sandwiches on the coffee table in front of them and she clears her throat. 

 

“Kady’s coming up with some boxes I can use to move my stuff.” she whispers, not wanting to wake Kimberly up. Trini nods tiredly.

 

“Do you need help?”

 

“No, it’s okay.” she replies, eyes flickering towards Kimberly. Trini bites down on the insides of her cheeks at the sadness in the girl’s usually bright eyes.

 

“It’s not like that.” she says quietly, knowing what’s running through Jasmine’s mind. “She’s just a friend.”

 

“Yeah, but for how long?” Jasmine replies, and Trini doesn’t even have time to process a reaction as Kady walks in with an armful of boxes. 

 

Jasmine walks pass her to the bedroom and Kady’s eyes narrow at Kimberly’s sleeping figure. Trini just shakes her head and sighs, hoping that Kimberly is a heavy sleeper.

 

 

 

 

(She isn’t.)

 

 

 

 

“You should’ve woken me up.” Kimberly hisses as Trini closes the bathroom door behind the both of them. Trini hands her an extra toothbrush as Kimberly turns on the faucet, hands reaching for the toothpaste and squeezing a good amount onto it before starting to hurriedly brush her teeth.

 

“You don’t have to rush, they already know you’re here.”

 

“ _ They _ ?” Kimberly asks in surprise, toothbrush held in her right cheek, eyes wide. Despite the ache in Trini’s heart and the suffocating tension of everything, she finds it in herself to smile at the girl’s preciousness.

 

“Jasmine’s cousin came to help her pack.” Trini states as Kimberly angrily brushes her teeth, eyebrows adorably furrowed together. “Relax. It’s not like we’re dating—I told Jasmine we’re just friends. Am I not allowed to have friends?”

 

Kimberly spits into the sink before she holds the toothbrush in her hand and leans back against the counter. “It’s not about whether we’re dating or not—you’re in a vulnerable situation and things can be interpreted differently. I just don’t want to cause more drama for you than necessary.”

 

Trini lets her weight rest on the door behind her as she shrugs. “You’re not—and you have toothpaste on your chin.”

 

Kimberly sighs with burning cheeks, wipes at her chin, and then returns to brushing her teeth. Trini opens the door and leaves just as she spots Kady exiting the bedroom with a now-full box of things.

 

“I can help carry the boxes.” Trini says, closing the bathroom door behind her.

 

“We got it.” Kady replies coldly. It stings, admittedly, because Trini had once seen Kady as a cute younger sibling whose smile nearly outshined Jasmine’s. She gulps down the bile in her throat.

 

“ _ Kady _ .” Jasmine scolds as she walks out of the bedroom. She looks at Trini and gives a small smile. “It’s fine, Trini. There are only a few boxes.”

 

“Okay.” Trini says dejectedly.

 

 

When Kimberly comes out from the bathroom, Jasmine and Kady had already left. She spots Trini sitting on the couch with an empty expression and she plops herself down next to the girl.

 

“You know what I learned?” Kimberly breaks the silence. Trini merely hums.

 

“Orcas have their own languages.”

 

Trini’s lips twitch upwards. “Seriously?”

 

“Hell yeah.” Kimberly nods. “It was in the documentary I watched last night.”

 

“You watched a lot of documentaries.”

 

Kimberly’s shoulders lift and fall in a shrug. “Sue me.”

 

Trini chuckles and shakes her head, thankful for the girl next to her.

 

**x**

 

The duo spends the day cooped up in Trini’s apartment, the winter cold getting to them as they share Trini’s favorite fluffy blanket. Kimberly leans her head on Trini’s shoulders as the girl starts up on an article needed for her job. She falls asleep eventually and Trini notices because her body relaxes even more than it already was, and she can’t help but feel so comfortable and  _ at home _ with the girl.

 

 

 

“What do you want for dinner?”

 

“Cookies.”

 

“That’s not actual food, Kim.”

 

“It  _ is _ food. You eat it, therefore it is food.” Kimberly retorts.

 

 

 

Kimberly sleeps over  _ again _ and Trini lets her wear some of her clothes, even if the clothes are too short and too tight on Kimberly. She’s in the bathroom taking a shower when Trini sees her phone light up on the coffee table. It’s more noticeable considering the whole apartment is dark with an absence of light, and Trini leans forward from the couch to check the notification, assuming it was just from one of the many games Kimberly has downloaded on her phone. 

 

**[Jay] (11:43 PM): hey babe :( sorry about what happened. come over tmr?**

 

Trini furrows her eyebrows for a moment, leaning back against the couch. What had happened between this person and Kimberly? She doesn’t want to be nosy and ask, but she can’t help the plummeting sensation in her stomach. 

 

When Trini hears the bathroom door open, she pretends to be focused on her laptop despite her mind wandering. 

 

“Hey.” Kimberly says, sitting down next to Trini and sending a waft of the shampoo Trini uses into Trini’s nostrils. Despite the familiar smell, it seems so foreign. “How’s the book going?”

 

“It’s going.” Trini murmurs as Kimberly reaches for her phone. She studies Kimberly’s reaction to the text and finds that the girl doesn’t reply to it. She tosses her phone beside her on the couch and leans on Trini’s shoulder.

 

Trini wants to ask—wonders if she even has the right to ask—and then she decides to keep quiet. 

 

Kimberly’s hair is still wet so it leaves a dark mark on Trini’s shirt where she’s resting her head. Trini knows the mark will dry up soon enough and go away, and she briefly wonders if the same thing will happen with Kimberly, too.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**part two.**

**x**

 

Kimberly shouldn’t really stay over so much at Trini’s apartment, but she does almost four days out of the week  _ every week _ (though it’s not like Trini’s complaining). Adding the four month breakup anniversary with Jasmine on top of the stress of work, it’s comforting for Trini to come home to someone—especially if that someone is Kimberly Hart. 

 

At first, Kimberly would always take Trini’s bed and Trini would take the couch, but it’s gotten to the point where they both just end up sleeping side-by-side in bed (or, when they’re  _ really  _ tired, they doze off on the couch together). Trini’s sort of glad for the fact that she wakes up earlier than Kimberly because the amount of times she’s woken up to Kimberly’s face nuzzled in her neck and arms looped around her waist was  _ way too much _ .

 

 

 

“Welcome back, Trini.” Kimberly greets from the couch as Trini struggles to pull her keys back out from the lock. “How was work?”

 

“Stressful.” Trini sighs, finally getting the damn thing out. She shuts the door behind her and peels her jacket off. “How was your day?”

 

“Not stressful.” Kimberly replies with a grin, looking over to Trini as the girl walks towards the couch with a tired smile. She gestures to the messy coffee table excitedly. “I went back to my house to get the photos that finished developing.  _ Look _ .”

 

Trini plops down next to Kimberly with a huff and leans forward to grasp the corner of one photo, picking it up gingerly. The picture is of Trini the one time they had to stay in due to a snow storm. In the photo, she’s standing in front of the window in her bedroom. The photo captures the exact moment Kimberly had called out her name, causing her to turn. Her hair is in mid-motion, a small smile on her face.

 

“That one’s one of my favorites.” Kimberly states with a satisfied giggle. She points to the window in the photo. “If you look closely, you can see the snow that fell off of our roof.”

 

Trini looks up in surprise when Kimberly says ‘ _ our  _ roof’, but Kimberly doesn’t seem to catch the meaning behind her words. Trini’s heart does a quick jumpstart and she continues to stare at Kimberly, who’s examining the photo with bright eyes.

 

“Don’t you like it?” Kimberly looks up at Trini when she asks this and—there it is; the  _ twinkle _ in her eyes. Trini will never get over how precious the other girl is.

 

“I love it.” she says honestly.

 

Kimberly laughs again, a melodic noise that tickles Trini’s ears. “I saw you standing there when I was going to the bathroom and I had to tip-toe away to get my camera. I just had to get a picture.” she recalls the memory fondly, staring into Trini’s eyes as she does so.

 

“I used to love the snow when I was little.” Trini grins, ignoring her hammering pulse.

 

“Used to?” Kimberly catches. Trini hums and returns her gaze to the photo.

 

“It’s burdensome now.” she murmurs before putting the photo back onto the table and reaching for another one. She spots a familiar scene; one of Kimberly sitting at her kitchen counter, white teeth biting her pen and eyebrows furrowed. “Is that the one I took?”

 

“Yeah.” Kimberly answers with a giggle. She seems to be in a really good mood. “I decided to develop it. It didn’t come out half-bad considering it’s a photo of me.”

 

“That’s what makes it so good.” Trini says under her breath. She spots Kimberly’s eyes snapping up to her face in her peripheral after she says that. Her cheeks warm up and she lowers her voice. “You were stressing over your calculus test.”

 

Kimberly scoffs. “Yes, and you took a picture of me.” she teases.

 

“I like this picture a lot.” Trini states, placing it back onto the table so she can shuffle through more pictures. She notices something with a slight frown. “We don’t have one picture together.”

 

“Yes we do.” Kimberly responds, leaning forward as she pushes a few pictures away to get to the bottom. She tugs one out from beneath another one. “This one.”

 

Trini remembers this moment perfectly. It was taken when they had gone to the local fair just a couple weeks ago. (There had been one too many plastic sword wars with six year olds, churros, and  _ a lot _ of face paint.) One of the little boys had pickpocketed Kimberly’s camera, unknowing to the both of them (until they saw the camera flash), and took a picture of them. Kimberly was in the midst of battle with a small girl, looking very focused, and Trini’s hand covered her mouth as she laughed out loud, her other hand grasping her pink sword.

 

“Oh my God.” Trini whispers, her lips curling upwards at the memory. “This is the best picture.” she says.

 

Kimberly snorts. “Having to run after the little boy who took it was  _ not _ the best—but, yes—I really love this picture.” 

 

Trini’s phone chimes and she pulls it out of her pocket, placing the photo back down. It’s just some spam email. Kimberly gasps when Trini unlocks her phone. 

 

“You kept me as your background?” she asks in shock, pulling Trini’s phone out of her hand to examine the photo she had taken a few weeks ago as a joke. In the photo she’s pulling a silly face, tongue poking out the side of her lips and eyes crossed.  

 

“I didn’t have any reason to change it.” Trini answers with a shrug. She doesn’t admit that it cheers her up when work is too stressful. “Besides, my old wallpaper was literally just white.”

 

“Ah, at least put a better one of me!” Kimberly complains, going to Trini’s photo album to choose another one. Trini snatches it out of her hand.

 

“No, I like this picture.” she says quickly. 

 

“Make your lockscreen something better, then!” Kimberly whines, reaching for the phone as Trini keeps it out of her reach.

 

“Okay, okay, fine!” Trini replies, moreso because Kimberly’s body was literally pressing against hers and it was getting hard for Trini to breathe. Kimberly backs off with a smug smile. Trini puffs up her cheeks and grabs the photo of her and Kimberly playing with the kids, taking a picture of it and setting it as her lockscreen background. “There, are you happy?”

 

“Yes. And send that picture to me. I want to set it as my background, too.” Kimberly grins cheekily, reaching out to pile all of the photos into one neat pile. “Are you hungry? I’m hungry. Let’s order.”

 

**x**

 

Horror movies are  _ not  _ Kimberly’s forte. Trini learns this one night when they’re both up way past their usual time, both sitting on the couch with their legs outstretched onto the coffee table. A horror movie plays on the TV and Kimberly squeaks, hiding behind Trini.

 

“Change the channel, quickly!” she orders, smacking Trini’s arm lightly. 

 

Trini smirks in amusement. “Not a fan?”

 

“Most definitely not.” Kimberly whines, tossing her legs over Trini’s body as she stays hidden behind her shoulder. “Please change the channel.”

 

“Alright.” Trini reaches for the remote and does as she’s told. “Look. Spongebob’s playing.”

 

Right as Kimberly moves out from behind her, Trini switches back to the channel playing the scary movie. With perfect timing, a ghost pops out right at that second, causing Kimberly to scream. Trini laughs so hard and Kimberly keeps hitting her arm which causes her to accidentally shut off the television. The sudden darkness scares Kimberly even more as she stops hitting Trini and climbs onto her lap with a yelp.

 

“I hate you.” Kimberly whines, poking Trini’s shoulder. 

 

“It’s just a show.” Trini giggles. “It’s fake.”

 

“Still.” Kimberly murmurs, making no move to get off of Trini’s lap. They bask in the silence for a moment before Trini speaks up.

 

“Are you sleepy?”

 

“Sort of.”

 

Trini hums and stands up, bringing Kimberly with her. The other girl squeals and wraps her legs around Trini’s midsection, arms encircled around her neck. Trini, surprisingly, doesn’t struggle with the girl’s weight (not that Kimberly is  _ heavy _ , but Trini is small and does not have much strength).

 

“Warn me next time!” Kimberly hisses as Trini walks the both of them to bed. Trini drops her gently onto the bed before sliding her own body under the covers. Kimberly shifts, accidentally kicks Trini’s shin, and then she’s under the blanket with the older girl, giggling lightly. The two of them get comfortable in no time, Kimberly’s feet poking at Trini’s own and her arms encircling her waist. Trini feels Kimberly’s warm breaths on her neck and she closes her eyes.

 

“Night.” Trini mumbles.

 

“Night.” Kimberly replies, nose nuzzling Trini’s jaw.

 

**x**

 

Today is one of the few days Kimberly doesn’t spend the night at Trini’s apartment. 

 

“I have an assignment due and I really need to develop the photos I’ve already taken.” Kimberly pouts, seeming just as disappointed about having to leave Trini as much as Trini is. They had just eaten dinner together right after Trini arrived back, Kimberly saying she didn’t want to leave without seeing her again. 

 

She takes her backpack off of the couch that Trini’s seated on, hurrying over to get behind Trini. “I’ll text you when I get home safely, okay?” 

 

Trini hums as she feels Kimberly’s arms slide around her shoulder from behind, the weight of Kimberly’s head on her shoulder. She tightens her hold and then lets Trini free, but then she pauses. She pauses just for a moment, and Trini is about to ask what’s wrong, but then she leans in and presses a kiss to Trini’s cheek, effectively throwing off Trini’s train of thoughts. “Goodnight.” she hums before pulling away.

 

Trini stares at Kimberly’s back figure as she walks away, jaw slacked.

 

 

 

After work the following day, Trini feels empty at the sight of a Kimberly-less apartment. It’s odd for her to come back to pure silence in her home, already so accustomed to Kimberly’s humming of random songs or excited shouts directed towards the games on her phone. Work had been particularly stressful that day and Trini could really use a particular vitamin named Kimberly Hart at the moment.

 

She sighs and throws her keys onto the kitchen counter. She digs into her pocket for her phone and pulls it out, seeing nothing but her lockscreen background; no notifications. 

 

So much for having a social life.

 

She knows that she should  _ try _ to become friends with more people, and not just Kimberly, but Trini doesn’t easily click with others. People either are too scared of her to talk to her or they do talk to her and end up getting bored of her. Kimberly (minus Jasmine) has been the one outlier and Trini knows that’s why she’s so attached to her.

 

Trini decides not to dwell on it, not wanting to worsen her already bad mood. 

 

She scans the photo set as her background, smiles lightly, and then locks her phone. 

 

**x**

 

Kimberly wakes Trini up one morning, a light hum from the girl causing a vibration against Trini’s collarbone. Her eyes flutter open, squinting at the brightness. It takes a couple seconds for her eyes to adjust to the lighting but once she comes to, she feels Kimberly’s fingers tapping her waist.

 

“You have work, don’t you?” the girl asks groggily, forehead pressed against her neck. Trini’s much too tired to realize that Kimberly’s really  _ really  _ close to her. She had stayed extra late last night working on an article that was due this morning and when she came home, Kimberly was already asleep.

 

“You’re gonna be late.” Kimberly states, though she doesn’t seem to be in any rush for Trini to leave, face still buried into her warmth.

 

Trini turns and lays on her back, stretching her arms up above her as Kimberly lays on half her body, one arm sprawled across her stomach. She sits up, bringing Kimberly up with her. The girl groans and rubs at her face, head tilted downwards so her hair creates a curtain around her face. Trini smiles at the scene and shakes her head, pulling her hair up into a messy bun, fingers running through the knots in her hair.

 

“What time did you come home?” Kimberly asks, voice raspy.

 

“A little past two.” Trini answers with a deep breath, pulling the blankets off of her and sliding off of the bed with much reluctance. “Did you try to stay up for me?”

 

“Tried.” Kimberly chuckles, watching with tired eyes as Trini walks towards the closet.

 

“Sorry.” Trini apologized guiltily, turning to look at Kimberly who still has sleep written all over her face. “I stayed late trying to finish an article that needed to be published this morning.”

 

Kimberly hums before lying back down. Trini grins and goes to the bathroom to freshen up.

 

When she exits the bathroom all freshened up, she spots Kimberly at the kitchen with a bowl of cereal in front of her. Trini’s bag is set in front of her (she had tossed it there last night, too tired to properly put her things away).

 

Trini walks over and puts her bag on. “I’m off.”

 

Kimberly puts another spoonful of cereal in her mouth with her eyes half-closed and Trini isn’t sure what comes over her, but she leans over and ruffles Kimberly’s hair, placing a kiss on her temple. She spots Kimberly’s tired smile and her heart races as she grabs her keys.

 

“See you later.” she says quickly, practically running out of her apartment.

 

 

 

“ _Welcome_ _home_.” Kimberly greets in sing-song, walking out of the bedroom as Trini enters the apartment. When she spots the grocery bags in Trini’s hands, she hurries over to take them from her. 

 

“Thanks.” Trini grunts, closing the door with her foot.

 

“Bad day?” Kimberly asks worriedly.

 

“No, just a tiring one.” Trini answers with a sigh, sitting on one of the stools. “How about you?”

 

“I got a gig at some wedding.” Kimberly replies, already unpacking the groceries, putting some stuff into the fridge. Trini watches with tired eyes and a small smile. “It’s tomorrow, actually.”

 

“Short notice.” Trini states as Kimberly puts the last of the groceries away.

 

“Yeah.” Kimberly hums, leaning back on the counter, facing Trini. “My… friend set me up with the couple because their original photographer just had surgery, so…”

 

Trini notes the hesitation in Kimberly’s voice about the ‘ _ friend _ ’ and she quirks an eyebrow. Kimberly gives a hesitant grin.

 

“Long story.”

 

“Want to talk about it?”

 

Kimberly tilts her head. “Want to listen?”

 

“Of course.” Trini answers, though she isn’t  _ too _ sure about it.

 

Kimberly narrows her eyes before sighing. “His name’s Jason.”

 

Trini remembers the name, remembers the contact name. 

 

“He’s been my best friend since high school graduation and is currently my housemate. You’ve probably seen various body parts of his in my journal of personal pictures.” Kimberly smiles as she says this and Trini thinks about the toes in the pictures of the beach that she had noticed nearly a year ago. “We… we had a thing in our last year of high school.”

 

Trini was expecting that with the way Kimberly seemed to be walking on glass-shards with her words but it doesn’t hurt any less. Trini knows it shouldn’t hurt her because it was  _ past-tense _ .

 

“We… still? We still have a thing, I think. I don’t know. It’s complicated.”  Kimberly shakes her head with the rush of words spilling her lips and Trini’s earlier thoughts shatter; so it’s  _ not _ past-tense. It’s like she’s moreso trying to confirm things with herself than she is with Trini (not like she has to confirm anything with Trini. It’s not like they’re dating). “We’re still best friends but the feelings— _ his _ feelings—are still kind of there and… and things—things are just awkward.”

 

“Sounds stressful.” Trini comments without much emotion in her tone. “Do you still like him?”

 

“Well, of course.” Kimberly answers a bit too quick for Trini’s liking. “I just don’t know if it’s enough to try anything with him. I care about him a lot, you know? We were friends before we were anything else, but the lines are so blurry.”

 

Trini nods, listening to the other girl speak. 

 

“There’s not much else to say.” Kimberly chuckles awkwardly.

 

“Does he like you?”

 

“Yeah.” Kimberly nods.

 

“Then… isn’t that it?” Trini replies, causing Kimberly to look at her in confusion. She keeps talking (even though her heart is telling her to shut the fuck up). “If he likes you and you like him, isn’t that it?”

 

“Trini.” Kimberly laughs in disbelief and, if Trini isn’t imagining it,  _ hurt _ . “It’s not that easy.”

 

“It isn’t?” Trini mumbles.

 

“Not at all. There are other factors—jobs, school,  _ people _ .” Kimberly says, pushing herself off of the counter and walking towards Trini. “Besides, I said that I don’t know if I like him enough  _ like that _ to go out with him.”

 

Trini feels her pulse speed up at Kimberly’s defensiveness. “I’m sorry that I assumed, then.”

 

Kimberly, realizing her reaction was a bit over the top, takes a deep breath with pink cheeks. “Trini, it just really isn’t that easy.”

 

Trini hums. “Maybe you should still talk to Jason, though. It’s better to have him as a best friend than to have him as no one, isn’t it?”

 

“You’re right.” Kimberly nods, doing the cute little scrunched up face that she does whenever her mind is set on something. “I have to head back to get my camera, anyway. I’ll talk to him tonight. I’ll be back tomorrow after the gig?”

 

“Yeah.” Trini replies. 

 

Kimberly disappears into the bedroom to get her stuff and Trini stays seated at the kitchen counter, going over Kimberly’s earlier words. She had mentioned ‘people’ as one of the other factors… Had she meant Trini?

 

“I’ll text you when I get home safely.” Kimberly says, stopping at the counter to get her phone.

 

Trini has half the nerve to ask Kimberly  _ what  _ they are; friends, girlfriends— _ something in between _ —but the question stays lodged at the back of her throat in fear of causing tension in their relationship/friendship/ _ whatever _ ship. 

 

Kimberly’s eyes meet hers for half a second before they move away fleetingly, almost embarrassedly. 

 

“Goodnight.” she says and hurries out the door, leaving Trini alone in her apartment.

 

 

**part three.**

**x**

 

Trini spends the next few weeks alone, cooped up in her apartment when she doesn’t have work. She has her nose buried in her black journal that has one too many pages ripped out from countless nights of restless thoughts and rollercoasters of emotions. 

 

Her mind often wanders to Kimberly—how could it  _ not _ ? She stares at her empty notification screen with tired eyes, briefly wondering if she should be the one to send a text first. 

 

(It’s ridiculous, really. They’re both grown women and yet Trini feels like she’s back in high school again.)

 

She isn’t sure who started to avoid the other first and she doesn’t particularly care, not when her her heart aches every time she looks at the couch, void of Kimberly. Trini doesn’t realize how dependent she had been on Kimberly for her happiness until the girl starts to avoid her. It hits her then that she shouldn’t be so dependent on someone else.

 

She shouldn’t have to need someone else to be happy. She should make herself happy, she knows this, but she just isn’t quite sure  _ how _ .

 

Her boss tells her to take the day off because she looks like shit. Trini persists and says she’s fine but “Trini, you’ve worked your butt off so much this week that it even scares  _ me _ ; your  _ boss _ . Just take a breather, okay?” and Trini exits the building with a sigh. 

 

She heads home with her thoughts swirling around in her head at a thousand miles per hour. She misses having someone next to her. She wishes she wasn’t so alone; wishes Kimberly wasn’t her only friend (if she still even is her friend). 

 

Her feet bring her to the park; the place they had met each other many months ago—but her feet freeze when she spots the familiar girl. The girl isn’t alone but instead is sitting next to man, a  _ very attractive _ man.

 

Trini wants to turn around before Kimberly can notice her but it’s too late, Kimberly’s eyes lock onto Trini’s and she freezes like a deer caught in headlights. When Kimberly starts to lift up her hand to wave, something inside Trini cracks. She spins on her heels and walks away. She’s all too familiar with heartbreak and is quite upset that she feels her heart is broken. 

 

_ You aren’t even dating her.  _

 

Trini’s heart doesn’t seem to care about the fact that she and Kimberly are only friends. Trini’s heart just thinks about how Kimberly has other people who care about her, all probably much better at making Kimberly happy, whilst Trini only has herself. Kimberly has friends and family and possibly a romantic  _ partner _ who all care about her and Trini… 

 

Trini has herself. 

 

 

 

 

That night, Kimberly texts her. 

 

**[Kimberly] (11:24 PM): hi.**

 

Trini stares at the message. She wants to ignore her, as revenge for Kimberly avoiding her, but she knows that she can’t do that. Her heart wins over her mind when it comes to Kimberly.

 

**[Trini] (11:24 PM): hi.**

**[Kimberly] (11:25 PM): how come u didn’t come say hi??? today at the parl**

**[Kimberly] (11:25 PM): park***

 

Her thumbs fiddle around in the air as she thinks of a response. 

 

**[Trini] (11:26 PM): i didn’t want to bother you.**

 

Trini knows that Kimberly can easily read through her bullshit but she doesn’t exactly care. (She does care. She cares a lot more than she’d like to admit.)

 

**[Kimberly] (11:26 PM): you’re never a bother to me**

 

Trini hates that she’s acting like this because she knows she’s making things difficult. 

 

**[Trini] (11:28 PM): yeah, i guess. goodnight**

**[Kimberly] (11:28 PM): gn**

 

She tosses her phone onto her bedside table and burrows herself into her blanket. Kimberly Hart has her feeling too many types of emotions. 

 

**x**

 

_ Maybe it’s for the better.  _

 

Trini repeats that same sentence in her head over and over as she sets her homescreen and lockscreen as a blank white screen, repeats it as she throws her bedsheets and her pillowcases into the laundry in order to get rid of Kimberly’s scent, repeats it when she removes all the animal documentaries on her Netflix account out of her list.

 

_ Maybe it’s for the better. _

 

**x**

 

**[Kimberly] (5:47 PM): can i come over?**

 

Trini’s eyeballs nearly pop out of their sockets as she sees the notification. She just got out of the shower, hair still dripping wet. Her thumbs shake as she types a reply.

 

**[Trini] (6:02 PM): sorry for late response i was taking a shower. sure u can.**

**[Kimberly] (6:02 PM): ok i’m outside**

 

Trini almost drops her phone in surprise, hurrying to her apartment door. 

 

She opens the door, wide-eyed. “What the hell? How long have you been waiting?”

 

“Since I texted you the first time.” Kimberly admits sheepishly. She holds up the brown bag in her hand. “I brought Chinese.”

 

Trini scoffs in disbelief and moves to the side to let her in. In the air hangs a bit of tension, something that has never been there between the two of them before. Trini assumes it’s because of their two weeks of radio silence. Kimberly slips past her and the scent of her familiar perfume invades Trini’s nose. She holds her breath as she shuts the door and follows Kimberly to the kitchen.

 

“How are you?” Kimberly asks as she sets the bag down on the counter.

 

Trini fights the urge to narrow her eyes as she leans back on the granite counter. “I’m fine.” she answers shortly, examining Kimberly’s reaction. The other girl blinks and stiffens, her eyes averting towards another part of the apartment instead of settling onto Trini.

 

“That’s good.” Kimberly nods. The bag of food is left untouched as she sits down at the counter, the stool squeaking as she turns it. She stares down at her lap. “We should talk.”

 

“Okay.” Trini nods. When the words leave her mouth, Kimberly looks up, as if she had been expecting a different answer. “Let’s talk.”

 

The air is suffocating between them and Trini truly wants to dig herself a hole to go hide in. Kimberly’s eyes aren’t as light as they usually are and everything about her screams that she’s tired.

 

“For two weeks.” Kimberly starts off, voice trembling. “We didn’t speak. At all.”

 

Trini just nods slowly.

 

Kimberly releases a deep breath. “Why?”

 

It’s a good question, one that Trini has thought about constantly over the torturous couple of weeks. Deep inside, she knows the answer, but her mind blocks what her heart wants to say.

 

“I don’t know.” Trini answers. This irks Kimberly, who furrows her eyebrows in frustration and stands from the stool.

 

“Yes you do.” she says lowly. Trini frowns as Kimberly comes closer to her. She feels her back dig into the edge of the counter, trying to get as far away from the girl as possible. Kimberly notices this and stops her advancement.

 

“Look, if you know the answer, why are you asking?” she asks, not meaning to sound so passive-aggressive but coming off that way despite her intentions.

 

“ _ Maybe _ because I’d like to hear if from you personally?” she asks in the ‘are you serious?’ type of way, cold eyes staring into Trini’s. 

 

Trini has never seen Kimberly so serious or angry at her. 

 

It hurts her in more ways than one, but she doesn’t let it show.

 

“I think it was a mistake for you to come here.” 

 

Kimberly takes a step back— _ stumbles  _ back, her mouth open in shock. Trini tightens her jaw and turns her head to avoid the look of hurt in Kimberly’s eyes.

 

“It’s for the better.” she mumbles.

 

“ _ What _ is?” Kimberly asks, her voice taking on a desperate tone. “Trini, please—at least  _ explain _ to me what you mean.”

 

“That we stop talking to each other.” Trini pushes her body off of the counter and walks away from the kitchen and into the living room, trying to get some air, trying to get  _ away _ from Kimberly. (This proves to be beyond difficult considering the fact that all Trini wants to do right now is hug the girl.)

 

“But I came here to talk to you about…” Kimberly trails off, voice cracking as she stares at Trini’s back with teary eyes. Trini brings herself to turn and look at the girl in the eyes but immediately regrets it as she spots the tear sliding down the girl’s cheek. Kimberly sniffles and straightens her back, wiping the tear from her face. “ _ Fine _ .”

 

A look of confusion flashes over Trini’s features for the briefest second.

 

“If you aren’t going to put any effort into fixing what we had, then I won’t.” Kimberly says quietly, wiping at her cheeks, anger riddling her words.

 

“What  _ did  _ we have?” Trini asks in a heartbeat, eyes searching Kimberly’s. She  _ needs  _ an answer, something solid, something besides the blurry lines that she’s gotten used to.

 

Kimberly’s bottom lip trembles and she bites down on it. She shakes her head.

 

“I don’t know.” she answers, teeth gritted together. “But it was something good, I’ll tell you that much.”

 

Trini wants to reach out, wants to take hold of Kimberly’s shaking hands, but Kimberly is too far from her (both figuratively and literally). Trini thinks that Kimberly’s going to leave (and probably never come back), but she stays standing in her spot, head down.

 

“Is it because of Jason?” Kimberly asks quietly—so quietly that Trini nearly misses it—and she lifts her gaze to settle on Trini, her forehead wrinkled. Trini quickly averts her eyes, and it’s enough of an answer for Kimberly, who releases a deep breath. “I  _ told  _ you.” she says, outstretching her arms in disbelief.

 

“I  _ told you _ that I didn’t like him like that.”

 

“You said you didn’t know.” Trini responds. “That wasn’t a no.”

 

“It wasn’t a yes, either.” Kimberly retorts, anger rising in her tone. She walks into the living room and stands in front of Trini, leaving a good amount of space between them. “Trini, isn’t it obvious that I like you, that I have feelings for you? Was me spending every night next to you not proof enough?”

 

Trini wishes Kimberly would’ve told her that in better circumstances, without tears rolling down her cheeks.

 

(The straightforward confession still makes Trini’s heart flutter, though.)

 

“I didn’t want to assume.”

 

“ _ Dammit, Trini _ .” Kimberly hisses. Her eyes are contradictory to her tone, her gaze softening despite the tension. “What are you so afraid of?”

 

The question hits Trini like a bag of bricks. Kimberly stares at her,  _ really  _ stares at her, awaiting an answer.

 

Trini gulps down the lump in her throat.

 

“A lot of things, I guess.” she whispers, avoiding Kimberly’s eyes. She goes to sit down on the couch, her knees too weak for her to stay standing. Kimberly follows her silently. “I’m scared that— _ I don’t know _ —that we wouldn’t work out?”

 

Kimberly lets out a small laugh, a beautifully heartbroken one. “We were working pretty fine before  _ this _ .” she gestures everywhere and nowhere with her hands.

 

Trini hates herself for being so insecure. Maybe if that one part of her brain would shut up; the part that’s telling her Kimberly deserves better and that she  _ will  _ find someone better, they could be dating by now.

 

“I’m sorry.” Trini murmurs, wondering what to say next— _ panicking _ because she doesn’t know what to say next. “When I saw you with Jason, I felt… I… I don’t know; empty?  _ Fuck _ , I don’t even know how to explain—”

 

“ _ Hey _ .” Kimberly’s voice is so soft and her eyes? Softer. She offers a small smile, barely lifting the corners of her lips. “Breathe, Trini. I’m here and I’m listening.”

 

Trini is truly in awe at how she could possibly be blessed with the angel that is Kimberly Hart.

 

A deep sigh leaves her lips. 

 

“I felt defeated.” she says. “And I know you’re not some kind of trophy or object that I own, that’s not what I meant, I just—seeing you with him, it got me thinking that there are plenty of other people,  _ good  _ people, that you can be with instead of me.”

 

Kimberly frowns. “There is  _ nothing _ wrong with you.”

 

“I made you cry.” Trini replies instantly. “You should never have to cry. Ever.”

 

The frown on Kimberly’s face loosens up into a small smile. “I’m human, Trini; I have emotions and you can’t control them. I’m not going to say that everything is okay because you really hurt me by ignoring me like that but… I hope that we don’t have to become strangers after this.”

 

Trini turns her body so she’s facing Kimberly. She folds her hands over her lap and gulps.

 

“I  _ do  _ like you, Kimberly, _ a lot _ —I know you probably already know this, but I wanted to say it outloud so you  _ really _ know.” Trini confesses. “I’ve been running away from my problems ever since I was little, much thanks to my messy family situation. And… And I’m not trying to excuse my behaviour… I’m just… trying to  _ explain  _ it.” 

 

Kimberly stays quiet, listening intently.

 

“I used to have this  _ annoying _ mindset that nothing good lasts forever… So, when you showed up in my life, for the first time I believed that this one good thing could  _ maybe  _ last forever.” Trini says. “And before I knew it, I starting gaining feelings for you. It happened so gradually… so  _ quietly _ , that when I realized it—my  _ feelings _ —we were already so close and so far along in our friendship that I was terrified to say anything, I didn’t want to make my old mindset true, didn’t want you to leave. And then Jason showed up and you told me about your past with him and then the mindset came back and I thought that I’d never be good for you and… and then my defense mechanisms kicked in and—”

 

Trini is out of breath when she feels a hand come to  rest on top of her clasped ones.

 

“ _ Trini _ .” Kimberly whispers, bringing up her other hand and wiping at the tear on Trini’s cheek that Trini didn’t even know escaped.

 

Trini stares into Kimberly’s eyes, the only light in the apartment coming from the kitchen making everything dim. She exhales shakily.

 

“I can’t promise to never hurt you again but I can promise to try.” 

 

The only reason Trini notices the tremble of Kimberly’s bottom lip is because they’re so close together. Trini doesn’t remember Kimberly moving so close to her.

 

“Promise?” Kimberly murmurs quietly, nose grazing Trini’s.

 

Trini nods because that’s the only thing she can do.

 

“Say it.” Kimberly orders gently.

 

“I promise.” Trini whispers, sighing when she feels Kimberly push forward to connect their lips.

 

Soft lips slide against each other for only a couple seconds before Trini  _ feels _ Kimberly grinning and their teeth clink because Trini smiles, too. She pulls away and leans her forehead on Kimberly’s as the other girl giggles.

 

“I’ve been wanting to do that for so long.” Kimberly smiles. Suddenly the gloomy atmosphere from a few minutes ago vanishes and Trini’s heart is skipping beats for an entirely different reason.

 

Kimberly lightly punches Trini’s shoulder. “I’m still mad at you, though.”

 

“I know.” Trini nods. “I’ll do my best make it up to you.”

 

“Okay, let’s eat the Chinese food I brought, then. It’s probably cold by now.” Kimberly gets up from the couch only for Trini to grab onto her wrist.

 

“Wait.” she says, tugging Kimberly down and capturing her lips. Kimberly smiles into the kiss.

 

“I don’t think I’m ever going to get tired of that.” she whispers as they pull away.

 

Trini grins and stands, sliding her hand down and interlacing her fingers with Kimberly’s. “Me neither.”

 

**+1.**

**x**

 

“Thanks for meeting me.” Trini mumbles with the faintest of a smile on her lips. Jasmine responds with her own smile and hum, sitting down next to Trini. Trini still feels that warm aura Jasmine always emitted, her chest warming up despite the rainy weather.

 

“Of course.” she says, eyes wandering around the cozy cafe. “I was surprised you even called. It’s been…”

 

“Almost two years, yeah.” Trini finishes Jasmine’s sentence for her with a nod. “I just… I wanted to know how you’ve been.”

 

Jasmine’s smile grows the tiniest bit and she tilts her head, looking amused.

 

“What?” Trini asks, chuckling a bit as the words leave her mouth.

 

“You’ve changed.” Jasmine states fondly. 

 

“I’ve changed?”

 

“Yeah, you have.” Jasmine grins. “I’ve known you for years, Trini. Three years ago you would’ve never met up with an ex-girlfriend to see how she’s been. You would’ve avoided her at all costs.”

 

Trini’s mouth opens slightly in surprise and revelation. What Jasmine said isn’t false. She closes her mouth and composes herself with a grin. “I guess… I’ve realized some things and have come to terms with some things, you know? We were close friends before we dated and I don’t have many friends.” she says this with a small laugh. “I don’t want to lose anybody important to me in my life if I can help it.”

 

Jasmine leans back against the chair and her smile is adoring; Trini sees that it’s completely platonic and her chest spreads with a warmth of happiness. 

 

“Okay, who are you and what have you done to Trini Kwan?”

 

Trini rolls her eyes as Jasmine lets out a radiant laugh.

 

**x**

 

“Hey.” Kimberly greets Trini as she enters the apartment. “I finished unpacking. How’d it go?”

 

“It went really well.” Trini answers, sliding out of her shoes and tossing her coat onto the couch. She makes her way over to Kimberly who’s standing in front of the counter with Trini’s laptop in front of her. “What are you doing?”

 

“I’m glad it went well, babe.” Kimberly turns her head and they kiss briefly, the two of them pulling away with smiles on their faces. Kimberly turns back around and Trini loops her arms around Kimberly’s midsection. “And, I’m looking up recipes.”

 

“For what?”

 

“For cooking, duh.” Kimberly replies, causing Trini to pinch her waist. “ _ Ow _ , jeez!”

 

Trini tiptoes and kisses her cheek in apology.

 

Kimberly smiles and continues to scroll down the webpage on the laptop. “I just want to cook a nice meal for my girlfriend, is that so hard?”

 

Trini doesn’t think her heart will ever stop skipping a beat when Kimberly refers to her as ‘her girlfriend’. She places a soft kiss behind Kimberly’s ear and feels the girl lean back with a contented sigh.

 

“Just don’t burn the apartment building down.” she whispers.

 

Kimberly smacks her arm lightly and Trini laughs, pulling away from the girl’s body.

 

“I’m gonna shower really quick.”

 

“Okay.” Kimberly hums.

 

 

 

 

 

**x**

 

 

 

 

 

It’s a Saturday night and they’ve spent the whole day inside, not wanting to go out when it’s pouring rain. They made cookies (read: burnt them because Kimberly set the timer for 300 minutes instead of 30 by accident), watched movies, and cuddled—all of which are relatively  _ innocent _ activities.

 

So, how on  _ earth _ did they end up  _ making out _ ?

 

Trini feels Kimberly shift and before she knows it, she’s being straddled by the other girl. She lets out a small gasp at the lack of space between them (they’ve been this close before, but not while Kimberly’s kissing her and  _ touching _ her). Kimberly pulls away barely, breathing heavily as she stares into Trini’s eyes, fingers gently pulling at the roots of Trini’s hair.

 

Despite it being nearly a year since they’ve first started dating, they haven’t done much besides kissing—not even because they are too busy, they’ve spent plenty of weekends together—but there just never was a good time. 

 

Trini thinks now’s a good time, if any.

 

Kimberly’s lips are still parted when Trini goes in for another kiss and she feels Kimberly’s gasp more than hears it. Kimberly’s throat vibrates with an approving hum when Trini starts to kiss down her neck.

 

“ _ Oh _ .” Kimberly inhales sharply as Trini licks and nips at her soft skin. She grinds down onto Trini’s lap before stopping suddenly, feeling the pleasure that was spreading throughout her body in a white hot sensation and becoming overwhelmed. She places her hands on Trini’s shoulders and pulls back, putting some space between them. Her chest is heaving more than Trini’s is. “This is a lot.”

 

“We can stop.” Trini says, eyes flickering between Kimberly’s. 

 

“I…” Kimberly’s words come out in a whisper. “I don’t think I want to stop.”

 

“Okay.” Trini murmurs, feels her heart hammering and her pulse running. “Then we won’t.”

 

“Are you okay with that?” Kimberly moves one of her hands to cup Trini’s cheek, thumb stroking over her skin. 

 

“Yeah.” Trini turns her head and kisses Kimberly’s palm. “As long as you are.”

 

“I love you.” Kimberly exhales airily. 

 

Trini smiles.

 

“I love you, too.”

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> fun fact: the date that i put for their first meeting is the date i first started working on this fic.
> 
> pls leave some feedback and let me know your thoughts! :D


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